Two-thousand-ten:
Skipped a lot of physics. (Worth it.)
Discovered my love for Jon Mayer.
Cheered for the Saints.
Visited APU.
Staked out Little Caesar's with Ariana to vandalize Vitaliy's car. (Slightly creepy.)
Turned 18.
Saw Bon Jovi live. (<3)
Planned two awesome spring River Days.
Met Timmy.
Sealed the deal with APU.
Impulsively invited Laura to the first river day. (Pivotal point in our friendship.)
Had the best Spring Break.
Got to wear a neck brace at the ER after Hrothgar got totaled. (RIP.)
Survived IB. (Barely.)
Graduated.
Spent the summer sleeping all day and staying up all night.
Had the best camping trip.
Lost one of my best friends.
Lost Baby. (</3)
Got baptized.
Lost Jack. (RIP.)
Had awesome dinners at the Gum's house.
Left to college. (Finally.)
Made amazing friends at APU. (Be back there soon.)
Got placed in the best Alpha Group.
Couldn't be happier with my college decision.
Became infatuated with Enrique Iglesias.
Changed my major from Psychology to Communication Studies.
Finished my first college semester with straight As.
Made a 'backup' pact with Elliot.
Got my best friend back.
Bonded with Katie Siu.
Had an amazing Winter Break.
This year is finally over. It's been everything and nothing that I expected it to be, all together at once.
But I guess that's just how life is.
Here's to two-thousand eleven. Let's make it legen - wait for it - dary. :)
Happy Holidays
It's just one of those days where you question everyone and everything.
"Merry" Christmas.
Apathy
I've been feeling a bit weird lately. I've noticed that there has been a lack of passion in my life. There haven't been many things in recent times that I've gotten really excited or animated for. Now although mellowness is quite common for me, and although I am often simply content with things and take them as they come, this is different.
I feel like I'm not feeling. That's not to say that I have been stoic and unresponsive, it's just that the feelings do not seep into the innards of my soul. That's an over-dramatization, but in essence, yeah. Of course I am happy and sad and stressed and jubilant and upset and angry and excited and pensive, whatever it is that the occasion calls for, but it's as if my emotions are only mental. I am aware of them in my mind and my body and actions go along accordingly, but I don't really feel them, not in my heart. This is not to say that I have been putting up superficial facades, I most certainly mean all that I say and how I act, it's just that at the end of the day, it doesn't really leave an imprint, it doesn't feel true deep down.
I don't like it. I don't like this sense of apathy, for lack of better words, that seems to be taking over. I want to feel passion. Whether that be with love or hate, anger or happiness, I just want zeal in my life.
Come make me laugh, come make me cry...just make me feel alive.
I feel like I'm not feeling. That's not to say that I have been stoic and unresponsive, it's just that the feelings do not seep into the innards of my soul. That's an over-dramatization, but in essence, yeah. Of course I am happy and sad and stressed and jubilant and upset and angry and excited and pensive, whatever it is that the occasion calls for, but it's as if my emotions are only mental. I am aware of them in my mind and my body and actions go along accordingly, but I don't really feel them, not in my heart. This is not to say that I have been putting up superficial facades, I most certainly mean all that I say and how I act, it's just that at the end of the day, it doesn't really leave an imprint, it doesn't feel true deep down.
I don't like it. I don't like this sense of apathy, for lack of better words, that seems to be taking over. I want to feel passion. Whether that be with love or hate, anger or happiness, I just want zeal in my life.
Come make me laugh, come make me cry...just make me feel alive.
Home
May be surrounded by a million people
I still feel all alone
I just wanna go home,
Oh, I miss you, you know
Another aeroplane, another sunny place
I'm lucky, I know
But I wanna go home, I've got to go home
Let me go home, I've had my run
Baby, I'm done
I gotta go home, let me go home
It will be alright, I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home
- Michael Buble, "Home"
I still feel all alone
I just wanna go home,
Oh, I miss you, you know
Another aeroplane, another sunny place
I'm lucky, I know
But I wanna go home, I've got to go home
Let me go home, I've had my run
Baby, I'm done
I gotta go home, let me go home
It will be alright, I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home
- Michael Buble, "Home"
Sitting, Waiting, Wishing
I was sitting, waiting, wishing
You believed in superstitions
Then maybe you'd see the signs
Lord knows that this world is cruel
And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool
Learning lovin' somebody don't make them love you
Must I always, always be waiting on you
Must I always be playing, playing your fool
I sang your songs, I danced your dance
I gave your friends all a chance
Putting up with them wasn't worth never having you
Oh, maybe you've been through this before
But it's my first time, so please ignore
The next few lines, cause they're directed at you
I can't always be waiting, waiting on you
I can't always be playing, playing your fool
I keep playing your part
But it's not my scene
Want this plot to twist
I've had enough mystery
Keep building it up
Then shooting me down
But I'm already down
Just wait a minute
Just sitting, waiting
Just wait a minute
Just sitting, waiting
Well if I was in your position
I'd put down all my ammunition
I'd wonder why it had taken me so long
But Lord knows I'm not you
And if I was I wouldn't be so cruel
Cause waitin' on love ain't so easy to do
Must I always, always be waiting on you
Must I always be playing, playing your fool
No I can't always, always be waiting on you
I can't always be playing, playing your fool, fool
- Jack Johnson, "Sitting, Waiting, Wishing"
You believed in superstitions
Then maybe you'd see the signs
Lord knows that this world is cruel
And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool
Learning lovin' somebody don't make them love you
Must I always, always be waiting on you
Must I always be playing, playing your fool
I sang your songs, I danced your dance
I gave your friends all a chance
Putting up with them wasn't worth never having you
Oh, maybe you've been through this before
But it's my first time, so please ignore
The next few lines, cause they're directed at you
I can't always be waiting, waiting on you
I can't always be playing, playing your fool
I keep playing your part
But it's not my scene
Want this plot to twist
I've had enough mystery
Keep building it up
Then shooting me down
But I'm already down
Just wait a minute
Just sitting, waiting
Just wait a minute
Just sitting, waiting
Well if I was in your position
I'd put down all my ammunition
I'd wonder why it had taken me so long
But Lord knows I'm not you
And if I was I wouldn't be so cruel
Cause waitin' on love ain't so easy to do
Must I always, always be waiting on you
Must I always be playing, playing your fool
No I can't always, always be waiting on you
I can't always be playing, playing your fool, fool
- Jack Johnson, "Sitting, Waiting, Wishing"
Feigning Affection
If you don't mean it, don't say it.
Now, I am not speaking of careless banter or simple conversation or inconsequential chatter, for Lord knows, I dole out my fair share of sarcastic and, granted, at times snarky remarks, but that is a separate ordeal. I am not referring to everyday, colloquial occurrences. Rather, I am speaking of words that are said when it comes to expressing affection. Whether it be in a deep friendship or casual association, if the sentiment isn't true, simply don't say it. The words may not necessarily be lies, but overuse of once considerate remarks leads only to the degradation of formerly meaningful expressions. Soon enough, articulating that you care for another, or even love them, becomes trite and insignificant. And that doesn't do any good for anyone.
So if you don't mean it, don't say it.
It really is that simple.
Now, I am not speaking of careless banter or simple conversation or inconsequential chatter, for Lord knows, I dole out my fair share of sarcastic and, granted, at times snarky remarks, but that is a separate ordeal. I am not referring to everyday, colloquial occurrences. Rather, I am speaking of words that are said when it comes to expressing affection. Whether it be in a deep friendship or casual association, if the sentiment isn't true, simply don't say it. The words may not necessarily be lies, but overuse of once considerate remarks leads only to the degradation of formerly meaningful expressions. Soon enough, articulating that you care for another, or even love them, becomes trite and insignificant. And that doesn't do any good for anyone.
So if you don't mean it, don't say it.
It really is that simple.
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