"I don't want your love unless you know I am repulsive, and love me even as you know it."
- Georges Bataille, My Mother
Friend
It's really hard when someone is sitting next to you, telling you that they're lonely and that they have no one. Every part of your being then screams out, "I'M here, I'm listening, I'm here for whatever you need," but your voice stays silent. You just nod and agree, that it's hard, silently feeling your heart break because you love them, you do, but they just don't quite see the extent of your love. And what can you do. You don't want to shove it down their throat. So you just stay by the sidelines, making small gestures of love and support, listening, and just waiting. Waiting for them to realize that you really are a friend.
Being Grateful
I used to be a lot more grateful and that, in turn, made me a lot happier. It made me more optimistic and light-hearted. I would write down on a note card things that I was grateful for every day, and it made all the difference. I'm not sure why I stopped, I guess I just started to forget, and that let cynicism get a foothold. I've been quite the cynic and much more of a pessimist for a long while now and I know that this needs to change. I'm tired of feeling this way. But if I make no attempt to change, nothing will. It will all be the same. Stuck in a perpetual cycle of loathing and bitterness. I need to let go of my cynicism but it has been with me for so long, a part of me fears I'll be dumbfounded and not know what I have left.
Ellie
I don't care what anyone says. Dog is man's (woman's) best friend. I honestly don't know what I would do without her. Who else is there, at 3:00 in the morning, when you're drunk off your ass, and running low on cigarettes? No person can bring that kind of comfort and love.
Wedding Nuances
[Preface: I am not against marriage. If you have found the person that you want to be with for the long haul, good for you. That is seriously amazing, and I wish you the best. Go forth and prosper, as equals. I just really, really, really, hate the little nuances that are intertwined with weddings. Specifically, the ones that are associated with the bride.]
For starters, it is tradition for the boyfriend to ask the father for his blessing/permission to marry his daughter. My question is why. What does it matter what the father says? If it's to ensure good family relations, why not ask the mother? And then the siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. Why not ask any of them? It is completely irrelevant what the father thinks, in regard to how the two feel about one another, and yet why is this "permission" needed? Because it is rooted in the idea that a woman is property and belongs in the possession of a man.
Similarly, the tradition of the father walking the bride down the aisle and "giving her away." Can we even just look at the language: giving her away. Again, the bride is seen as a possession. And this is nothing but a transfer of ownership, from one man to another.
The next thing I want to consider is the title of "Mrs." Male titles do not change when they get married because a man is not defined by his marital status, but a woman definitely is. Why can't we just universally accept that Mr. will be for all men, and Ms. for all women? Why does it have to change to Mrs., to notify any outside that a woman is married? Also, why, at weddings, do they always announce, (for example) "For the first time, I welcome Mr. and Mrs. John Smith!" Where has the woman gone? It seems as if she's been completely absorbed by her husband, not only taking his last name, but now only being referred to as being his counterpart, and only in relation to him.
These three things really grind my gears because they are just considered as traditions. The original meaning or sentiment behind them (hopefully) no longer exists, but the fact that they are rooted in such chauvinism -- it's not something that I can get over. These traditions will always bother me and I can only hope that culture will continue to change, and that we relinquish these ties and establish better traditions.
As mush as I loathe these practices, it is nothing in comparison to the worst offender: the fact that a woman's wedding day is her "big day."
Women spend thousands upon thousands of dollars on their weddings, waste hours upon hours planning out every single minute detail, and expect every little thing to be perfect for one single day - and it's completely normal. Never is a groom seen stressing as much over a wedding, and is told to allow the bride to do what she wants, because it's her big day. It's "what she has been dreaming of since she was a little girl." These are accepted ideas that continue to be prevalent and domineering in society and I. Can't. Stand. It.
Does a woman's greatest accomplishment rest in that ring on her finger? Is the epitome and pinnacle of her life her wedding day? For many, yes, it is. And that is a damn shame. Is she worth nothing more? Is a woman's entire value wrapped up in whether or not she acquires a husband? Is there really nothing better, nothing greater, that she can accomplish in her life or do for herself?
I'll be damned if someone tells me that my "big day" is when I get married. Why can my "big day" not be the day that I graduate college? It's a bit taken for granted in our society, but compared to the rest of the world, I'm damn fortunate and accomplished if I have a degree. Why can it not be the day that I get my law degree? Or the day that I become a partner in a firm? Or whatever other career I choose to pursue - why can the start of that career not be considered my "big day?" And what if I choose to never get married? I'd be looked down upon, and pitied, because oh poor me oh my, how sad that no man wants to spend his life with me.
I have so much more to offer to the world than my damn hand in marriage. I just wish other women would see themselves the same way.
For starters, it is tradition for the boyfriend to ask the father for his blessing/permission to marry his daughter. My question is why. What does it matter what the father says? If it's to ensure good family relations, why not ask the mother? And then the siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. Why not ask any of them? It is completely irrelevant what the father thinks, in regard to how the two feel about one another, and yet why is this "permission" needed? Because it is rooted in the idea that a woman is property and belongs in the possession of a man.
Similarly, the tradition of the father walking the bride down the aisle and "giving her away." Can we even just look at the language: giving her away. Again, the bride is seen as a possession. And this is nothing but a transfer of ownership, from one man to another.
The next thing I want to consider is the title of "Mrs." Male titles do not change when they get married because a man is not defined by his marital status, but a woman definitely is. Why can't we just universally accept that Mr. will be for all men, and Ms. for all women? Why does it have to change to Mrs., to notify any outside that a woman is married? Also, why, at weddings, do they always announce, (for example) "For the first time, I welcome Mr. and Mrs. John Smith!" Where has the woman gone? It seems as if she's been completely absorbed by her husband, not only taking his last name, but now only being referred to as being his counterpart, and only in relation to him.
These three things really grind my gears because they are just considered as traditions. The original meaning or sentiment behind them (hopefully) no longer exists, but the fact that they are rooted in such chauvinism -- it's not something that I can get over. These traditions will always bother me and I can only hope that culture will continue to change, and that we relinquish these ties and establish better traditions.
As mush as I loathe these practices, it is nothing in comparison to the worst offender: the fact that a woman's wedding day is her "big day."
Women spend thousands upon thousands of dollars on their weddings, waste hours upon hours planning out every single minute detail, and expect every little thing to be perfect for one single day - and it's completely normal. Never is a groom seen stressing as much over a wedding, and is told to allow the bride to do what she wants, because it's her big day. It's "what she has been dreaming of since she was a little girl." These are accepted ideas that continue to be prevalent and domineering in society and I. Can't. Stand. It.
Does a woman's greatest accomplishment rest in that ring on her finger? Is the epitome and pinnacle of her life her wedding day? For many, yes, it is. And that is a damn shame. Is she worth nothing more? Is a woman's entire value wrapped up in whether or not she acquires a husband? Is there really nothing better, nothing greater, that she can accomplish in her life or do for herself?
I'll be damned if someone tells me that my "big day" is when I get married. Why can my "big day" not be the day that I graduate college? It's a bit taken for granted in our society, but compared to the rest of the world, I'm damn fortunate and accomplished if I have a degree. Why can it not be the day that I get my law degree? Or the day that I become a partner in a firm? Or whatever other career I choose to pursue - why can the start of that career not be considered my "big day?" And what if I choose to never get married? I'd be looked down upon, and pitied, because oh poor me oh my, how sad that no man wants to spend his life with me.
I have so much more to offer to the world than my damn hand in marriage. I just wish other women would see themselves the same way.
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