Familiar Faces

I am so incredibly glad that it's break. If that semester had lasted any longer, I would've lost it. Well, more than I already did hah. But this break has been just what I needed. Even though I can't sleep very well, it's really nice to not have to get out of bed at a certain time. And my friends -- they are what I needed. Especially seeing my best friends. I was able to spend hours talking over coffee and shopping with Nelya, I've been seeing Laura every single day, I got to spend the evening at the mall and have a very long late-night Mel's dinner with Tim, and I'm seeing Angela tomorrow. And my sailor's come home, everyone's coming in from school, and just spending time together. It's just wonderful. I'm not in the best of spirits all of the time, but these dear faces sure do help it.

[blank]

When did I become this person? What a mess. I need to go get lost somewhere in nature for a while.

Realizations

I've realized that I sometimes make snide or snarky remarks that are completely unwarranted in an effort to keep others at arm's length.
I've realized that I don't tell people how much I really care.
I've realized that I'm not as sure of things as I'd like to believe I am.
I've realized that I expect more from others than I'm willing to give.
I've realized that I keep taking a step forward, but then two steps back.
I've realized that I'm finding it really hard to see the beauty and good in the world as a whole.
I've realized that I spend too much time inside my head.

Stressed

My good God, I don't remember the last time I was this stressed. Granted, it is partially my fault. I know exactly what I do to myself when I procrastinate, but this past week just decided to throw some curve balls with several extenuating circumstances. And I'm back to not being able to sleep, so that's really not helping in the least bit (if you could imagine such a thought).

I'm so emotionally drained.
This week needs to be over.
I need to be able to sleep and surround myself with those amazing people that I've been blessed with.

But I know that when I get home I still won't be sleeping and I'll just want to be alone.

asdjkflcldhfk.

Trapped

Silent thoughts. Incoherent feelings. Wordless musings. Swirling, rushing -- all wanting to get out, to be heard, to be free. But the words are lost. Staring at a blank page, and finding nothing. Internal turmoil, but simultaneous peace. A feeling of belonging, side by side with a sense of complete disconnect. Utterly lost, and yet found. All of this, and more, and more, filling up my heart and my mind -- but unable to escape.

Wanted: Mountains

I want to go on a hike.

Not a stroll through a forest across some hills (although that is enjoyable), but a real hike. I want to feel the strain of my muscles as I climb up, the dirt underneath my fingernails as I claw at the earth. I want to breathe in deeply nature's fresh, crisp air and be rewarded with a magnificent view once I've gone as far as I can go. I want to spend hours climbing and walking and pushing myself to my limits. I want to go on a hike that leaves you in bed the whole next day, that causes your entire body to ache. It's a good kind of pain, the kind that is rewarding, that tells you how alive you are and how much you can accomplish.

I need to go find some mountains.