Panic

Lungs clenching, sight blurring, I walked and I walked, trying to steady my breathing, to regain some control. But Pandora's box had been opened, and all those nameless feelings and fears that had remained suppressed for so long were suddenly freed, let loose to form into conscious and coherent words and ideas. And once they're out, they can't be put back. They're swirling, swarming in my mind, choking me from the inside out; I'm finding it difficult to breathe. I need to catch my breath, to clear my head, but the weather is too warm, the night is too light, and I am no where near alone enough.

Deserving Love

"We accept the love we think we deserve." - Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

So what do we do if we do not believe we deserve it? Do we reject it? Run from it? Hide from it? Push it away? Or do we go along with it, hoping that one day we will wake up feeling worthy and in the mean time, pray to God that the one giving us their love doesn't give up.

Questions, questions, questions, and as always, so few answers.

No Control

The past several weeks have been the most random and absurd weeks of my life, leading me to the conclusion that I have absolutely no control over my life. I can plan, and make lists, and run my little schemes, and think I have everything under my thumb, but in a split second, it can all completely change.

I have no control. And I'm okay with that. These past several weeks have taught me how to breathe easier and be more accepting to my circumstances, whatever they may be. I'm rolling with the punches, taking things as they come, and hoping, praying for the best. Because there's not much else I can do. And so be it.

Patience

Be steady, my heart. Good things come to those who wait.