safe

Your words, they sounds so sweet
telling me terrible tales of truth
inviting me to believe, to partake
and I do.

Oh your honey-stricken words,
I could get lost in their smooth sounding songs, in your sighs

speak to me stranger, lover, friend -
I'm hanging on to every breath you breathe.
Take me, move me with your tales

even if they're not true
especially if they're not true

spin me those soft soothing whispers, surrender your mind and your musings
and don't fret darling
they're safe with me, beside me
we're safe here.

In Time

I've been selfish, I've been shrewd. I've been cold and short tempered. I've been dreaming of leaving everything behind, of running from it all - the good, the bad, the joy, the pain - all because it would make things easier for me. It would keep me from getting hurt, it would make life more manageable for me, it would give me more time to breathe and not be caught up in all of life's problems. Me, me, me, me.

I'm sorry.

I've been so caught up in this delusion of solitude, caught up in the aims of making my own life simpler, I failed to see just how selfish my mindset had become. Life's not about taking the easy way out; it's not about doing what makes it easiest for you. At least, that's not what I want my life to be about. I want to be able to help others find peace and happiness. I want the people that I love so dearly to feel that love, and to feel joy. I want to be willing to sacrifice my time, my efforts, my sanity, whatever it takes -- just in hopes that they will find what they are searching for.

I'm far from being the person I want to be. But I'm hoping that in time, I'll get there. It won't be easy. It will inevitably bring pain. But it will be worth it.

wishful breath

I wish for the mountains

for the crisp cool air
for the wind to wisp through my hair to sting my cheeks
to take me away to take me to another place
somewhere far somewhere new yet I know
it will feel like home.

And I will breathe in a new breath a new life and breathe out
this bitter cold

Doubt

It's just one of those days where I find myself doubting anything and everything. Even the things I hold most true, even the things I hold closest to my heart, even you.

I don't know why, I don't have any explanation - I just know I have a feeling of general discontent with everything I hear, I read, I know. And I can't quite decide if it is a feeling of the heart or one of the mind, if it is logic that is telling me to be doubtful or if it is my gut. I'm just unsettled.

And confused. Particularly concerning past decisions - whether I did the best thing in choosing this or sharing that; I just can't seem to determine whether I made the best choices. This is not to be mistaken with regret, I do not regret, I just can't help but wonder the age old question of "what if I had chosen/done/said ____ instead." These thoughts are just as pointless as regret, for nothing will change the outcome or the future that is to come, but yet...

I am generally sure of myself. I am generally confident in what I do, what I believe, what I choose. But yet I am unable to shake this doubt.