Disinterested. Phlegmatic. Listless. Apathetic. Feeling with the mind, but not with the heart. Even jumping out of a plane didn't bring a great rush of adrenaline or excitement or fear. And I don't quite know what to make of that.
"And I want to feel passion, I want to feel pain, I want to weep at the sound of your name. Come make me laugh, come make me cry, just make me feel alive."
Showing posts with label apathy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label apathy. Show all posts
Apathy
I've been feeling a bit weird lately. I've noticed that there has been a lack of passion in my life. There haven't been many things in recent times that I've gotten really excited or animated for. Now although mellowness is quite common for me, and although I am often simply content with things and take them as they come, this is different.
I feel like I'm not feeling. That's not to say that I have been stoic and unresponsive, it's just that the feelings do not seep into the innards of my soul. That's an over-dramatization, but in essence, yeah. Of course I am happy and sad and stressed and jubilant and upset and angry and excited and pensive, whatever it is that the occasion calls for, but it's as if my emotions are only mental. I am aware of them in my mind and my body and actions go along accordingly, but I don't really feel them, not in my heart. This is not to say that I have been putting up superficial facades, I most certainly mean all that I say and how I act, it's just that at the end of the day, it doesn't really leave an imprint, it doesn't feel true deep down.
I don't like it. I don't like this sense of apathy, for lack of better words, that seems to be taking over. I want to feel passion. Whether that be with love or hate, anger or happiness, I just want zeal in my life.
Come make me laugh, come make me cry...just make me feel alive.
I feel like I'm not feeling. That's not to say that I have been stoic and unresponsive, it's just that the feelings do not seep into the innards of my soul. That's an over-dramatization, but in essence, yeah. Of course I am happy and sad and stressed and jubilant and upset and angry and excited and pensive, whatever it is that the occasion calls for, but it's as if my emotions are only mental. I am aware of them in my mind and my body and actions go along accordingly, but I don't really feel them, not in my heart. This is not to say that I have been putting up superficial facades, I most certainly mean all that I say and how I act, it's just that at the end of the day, it doesn't really leave an imprint, it doesn't feel true deep down.
I don't like it. I don't like this sense of apathy, for lack of better words, that seems to be taking over. I want to feel passion. Whether that be with love or hate, anger or happiness, I just want zeal in my life.
Come make me laugh, come make me cry...just make me feel alive.
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