Friend

It's really hard when someone is sitting next to you, telling you that they're lonely and that they have no one. Every part of your being then screams out, "I'M here, I'm listening, I'm here for whatever you need," but your voice stays silent. You just nod and agree, that it's hard, silently feeling your heart break because you love them, you do, but they just don't quite see the extent of your love. And what can you do. You don't want to shove it down their throat. So you just stay by the sidelines, making small gestures of love and support, listening, and just waiting. Waiting for them to realize that you really are a friend.

Godsends

I don't appreciate it as often or as dearly as I should, but I am quite blessed with the friends that I have. With the quality, and the quantity, of them. I have my Ukrainian friends and my high school friends, my class friends and my hall friends, and those random ones that have come out of nowhere. I am thankful for each and everyone of them, but there are a select few that I am most grateful for.

There is a handful of people that have drastically impacted my life in one way or another, and I can quite sincerely say that I can't imagine how my life would be without them. Whether it be because they have been by my side for countless years or because they were simply in the right place, at the right time, right where and when I needed them, they have altered my course in significant ways.

Some I have known for near a decade, others for much, much less. But the amount of time I have spent with each one is irrelevant. Time - history - in a relationship, I've learned, means little to nothing. Yes, it gives one the benefit of knowing the other's likes and dislikes, moods and attitudes, opinions and beliefs, but in the grand scheme of it all, these things are almost irrelevant. (I guess I should clarify - these things are irrelevant to the meaningfulness of the friendship.) We could be acquainted for two, six, ten years, we could know countless, trivial things about one another - but these years and facts alone do not prove that we truly know each other or that we have some significant bond. No, history is irrelevant. Time alone does not lead to closeness.

I have several close friends, but my best friends - I can count them on one hand. They are the ones have left lasting marks on my existence, and I know that many things would be awry if I had never met them. They are, in all meaning of the word, godsends. They are the ones with whom I trust much more than just my life - I trust them with my mind. And I know that I can rely on them to always be what is needed. Whether I need to hear the harsh truth or just need an ear to vent to, they can be counted on. And trusted, above all things, trusted. And for this I am eternally grateful.

I don't show my appreciation and gratitude as often as I should, but one day I will. One day (if they don't already know), I'll tell them of all the ways that they have changed, shaped, and influenced me; of how much their understanding and presence means to me; of how different I'm convinced my life would be without them.

Perhaps I'll write them letters.

History

There is too much history in this goddamn town with all these goddamn people. (Not that I'm angry about it, my colorful language is simply a side effect of my frustration.) Yes, that is sometimes a good thing. History is sometimes good to have - long, deep foundations are often beneficial and lead to success, but lately, it has just been so...tiring, for lack of better words.

I'm tired of people's preconceived notions. I'm tired of their assumptions based on past events. I'm tired of them remembering things that I'm trying to forget. I'm tired of them knowing things I'm pretending to be blind to. I'm just tired of all the history. I want a fresh start, a clean slate. I want a new life.

But I just can't seem to get away.