I'm Not Sorry
I'm done apologizing for what I want and what I need. Never again will I utter a "sorry" after texting you, again, after I've been drinking because I stop myself when I'm sober. When I'm sober I rationalize and tell myself, "No, there's no need to bother him; he's busy, he'll talk to me when he has time." But those rationalizations don't overcome my desire to know that I am present and on your mind. I am done apologizing for wanting to know that just because I'm out of sight, doesn't mean I'm out of mind; I am done with waiting on you to grace me with your attention; I am done with hanging on to your every word. I want affirmation, and this does not make me "clingy" or "needy." (The audacity, wanting to know that I am appreciated and loved...) This is what I want, this is what I need, and for that, never again, will I be sorry.
Breathing Freely
A few days ago, as I was getting dressed for class, putting on my makeup and singing along to the radio, I realized that I was filled with a sense of peace and contentment. All was well. It had been a rather long time since I'd last felt like that, it really took me by surprise. I just smiled and kept singing.
The few days since then have been rather unnerving and stressful. But today, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and I can finally breathe and move on. Life's too short for sleepless nights and wasted thoughts so I'm moving on. And I'm breathing freely.
Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
- Robert Frost, "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening"
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
- Robert Frost, "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening"
Keeping Time (Repost)
Breathe in - breathe out, count
one
two
three
and I don't care anymore.
Breathe in - breathe out, count
one
two
three
and I don't know you anymore.
one
two
three
and I don't care anymore.
Breathe in - breathe out, count
one
two
three
and I don't know you anymore.
Lesson Learned
I am more than just your afterthought, always available at your earliest convenience, always for your own benefit. I only wish that I had seen it sooner.
Україна
It's quite bewildering that the political turmoil, civil disaster, and overall strife of a nation I've never even seen with my own eyes makes my heart so heavy. But it somehow aches like home.
Боже, я молюсь за Україну,
Боже, молю Тебе за людей.
Боже, молю Тебе за людей.
Lessons I Wish I Had Learned Last Year
The people that surround you are only going to be there for so long - enjoy them while you can. Netflix isn't going anywhere.
If you're too drunk to drive, you also probably shouldn't be texting or calling anyone.
Thursday night classes are the worst idea.
When you try to beat someone else to the punch, you're just knocking the air out of yourself.
Working twelve hours in a row between two jobs is never a good idea. It's not worth it.
Weekend shifts are also never worth it.
Read in the foreign languages that you know, or you'll forget them.
You shouldn't spend 75% of your paycheck within two days of payday.
Always go on more walks.
Let love breathe.
If you're too drunk to drive, you also probably shouldn't be texting or calling anyone.
Thursday night classes are the worst idea.
When you try to beat someone else to the punch, you're just knocking the air out of yourself.
Working twelve hours in a row between two jobs is never a good idea. It's not worth it.
Weekend shifts are also never worth it.
Read in the foreign languages that you know, or you'll forget them.
You shouldn't spend 75% of your paycheck within two days of payday.
Always go on more walks.
Let love breathe.
Standing
It's the end of another week, month, year. And to think, I sometimes still have no idea where I stand with you.
Shooting Stars Behind Closed Eyes; Hidden Wishes
As I finally laid my weary head down, trying to calm the whispers in my mind
I squeezed my eyes shut and saw
a shooting star
and instantly thought
Of you.
I squeezed my eyes shut and saw
a shooting star
and instantly thought
Of you.
Words pt. II
As the road to hell is paved with good intentions, so are the words stemming from your lips. You'd wish to shower your affections on the cracks in my mind and my heart in hopes of allowing flowers to spud and to bloom from within, to nourish my life and make it rosy but you can't -- you can't. I won't let you because your words are so sweet, I would breathe them in and swallow them whole but I can't -- I can't. Because your words are lathered with honey and are whispered with the best of intentions but that's where it ends. That's where it ends.
Words
Words are empty, so bite your tongue. If your plans do not include your actions succeeding your words, keep them to yourself. Bite your tongue, your words are useless to me.
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