Україна

It's quite bewildering that the political turmoil, civil disaster, and overall strife of a nation I've never even seen with my own eyes makes my heart so heavy. But it somehow aches like home.

Боже, я молюсь за Україну,
Боже, молю Тебе за людей.

Lessons I Wish I Had Learned Last Year

The people that surround you are only going to be there for so long - enjoy them while you can. Netflix isn't going anywhere.
If you're too drunk to drive, you also probably shouldn't be texting or calling anyone.
Thursday night classes are the worst idea.
When you try to beat someone else to the punch, you're just knocking the air out of yourself.
Working twelve hours in a row between two jobs is never a good idea. It's not worth it.
Weekend shifts are also never worth it.
Read in the foreign languages that you know, or you'll forget them.
You shouldn't spend 75% of your paycheck within two days of payday.
Always go on more walks.
Let love breathe.

Standing

It's the end of another week, month, year. And to think, I sometimes still have no idea where I stand with you.

Shooting Stars Behind Closed Eyes; Hidden Wishes

As I finally laid my weary head down, trying to calm the whispers in my mind
I squeezed my eyes shut and saw
a shooting star

and instantly thought
Of you.

Words pt. II

As the road to hell is paved with good intentions, so are the words stemming from your lips. You'd wish to shower your affections on the cracks in my mind and my heart in hopes of allowing flowers to spud and to bloom from within, to nourish my life and make it rosy but you can't -- you can't. I won't let you because your words are so sweet, I would breathe them in and swallow them whole but I can't -- I can't. Because your words are lathered with honey and are whispered with the best of intentions but that's where it ends. That's where it ends.

Words

Words are empty, so bite your tongue. If your plans do not include your actions succeeding your words, keep them to yourself. Bite your tongue, your words are useless to me.

Overly

Overly expressive, overly expectant.

Never have I felt so pathetic.

Life

First mental breakdown of the semester: check.

And classes haven't even started yet.

Love

"I don't want your love unless you know I am repulsive, and love me even as you know it."

- Georges Bataille, My Mother

Friend

It's really hard when someone is sitting next to you, telling you that they're lonely and that they have no one. Every part of your being then screams out, "I'M here, I'm listening, I'm here for whatever you need," but your voice stays silent. You just nod and agree, that it's hard, silently feeling your heart break because you love them, you do, but they just don't quite see the extent of your love. And what can you do. You don't want to shove it down their throat. So you just stay by the sidelines, making small gestures of love and support, listening, and just waiting. Waiting for them to realize that you really are a friend.

Being Grateful

I used to be a lot more grateful and that, in turn, made me a lot happier. It made me more optimistic and light-hearted. I would write down on a note card things that I was grateful for every day, and it made all the difference. I'm not sure why I stopped, I guess I just started to forget, and that let cynicism get a foothold. I've been quite the cynic and much more of a pessimist for a long while now and I know that this needs to change. I'm tired of feeling this way. But if I make no attempt to change, nothing will. It will all be the same. Stuck in a perpetual cycle of loathing and bitterness. I need to let go of my cynicism but it has been with me for so long, a part of me fears I'll be dumbfounded and not know what I have left.

Ellie

I don't care what anyone says. Dog is man's (woman's) best friend. I honestly don't know what I would do without her. Who else is there, at 3:00 in the morning, when you're drunk off your ass, and running low on cigarettes? No person can bring that kind of comfort and love.